I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
