is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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