You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
