So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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