East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
barbara walters just said penis...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
