I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
