I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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