Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
