i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
