They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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