I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
