Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
