I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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