Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
