If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
