I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
why is half of my head shaved?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
