is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
