someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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