The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
