The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
