OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
