is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
