she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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