I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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