just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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