Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
