On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
