I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize