Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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