We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
