what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
