God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
