my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
