We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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