Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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