there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize