whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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