Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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