she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
