I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
