next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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