Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
