I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
