Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize