Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
