my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
