he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
