So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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