I want to have your abortion
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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