now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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