I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
