Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
