I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
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