I heard we made out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize