He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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