He uses pillows to masturbate.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
