She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
