The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
