Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
