There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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