Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize