He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
