so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
