I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
