HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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