can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can I color on your dick again?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
