What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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