I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just high enough for therapy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
