She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
