It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bring money and cleavage
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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