My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
