he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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