I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
