I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
