my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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