I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
