you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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