he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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