It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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