Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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