so explain again why im purple
no
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
