also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
