after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize