Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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