I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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