she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
