My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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