she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
