Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just pee around me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
