i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
