You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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