really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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