This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You're like the curious george of whores
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
