Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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