I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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