oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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