So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
