I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize