I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I need to stop coming to work sober
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
